माय वोरसे फेअर्स

my worse fears
have all come at a time
fear that i might not get a JOB
fear that i might lose a chance
fear that he will serve the damn country he doesnt even belong to

Singapore's weather is so unpredictable. jut like women' mood.
sometimes it rains, sometimes its sunny
i wish i am not even close to local's weather forecast. yeah, i wish
its has been months since i lost interest in writing again.
online journal
what is teh use when you write n people read?

सिक्क

i hate to end the month with a doubt, sickness and menstruation
i am now sick as hell
i used to treat my sick love one with first class treatment.
just like SIA First class' attentiveness and service
but hell when it is my turn to be sick
it sucked
i am treated like fuck
worse than budget airline
when i ask for a drink
he took ages to pour me one.
if i die of dehydration that would be his fault
i cant believe im getting a six people one room hospital ward's kinda sucky local nurses services.
damn
i want to get well..
i want to party tmr
like there's no tmr
love
xoxo
nicole

predicament

what is your purpose in life?
what is your goal in life?

seriously i have no idea
is it okay that you do things your way
and not bother what others might think or say
why is it that judgment is a human nature?
why human has to wear a facade?
why make things so difficult when it is so simple?
why take the long way when there is short cut?
so many whys

im feeling red now
a bloody red month
going to end soon
Red packets, CNY, Menstruation, Anger
is all in RED

hmmm
my SIA interview the other day was a failure
but im not going to give up.i will keep trying.
fulfill my long time dream
flying and gives the best service and make a difference.

टाइम तो चंगे

time to change my life.
my first post in 2009
hopefully this year is going to be a better year.
many things and obstacles i have gone through last year.
i hope to make it right this year
im going to be a better person
and mayb start acting my age
im fucking 23 and not doing anything
that is a shame
yeah i know
i read the forecast this year (im born in tiger year)
hmm not so bad.
i hope everything will go smoothly despite all the problems
especially family disputes, economy crisis the stupid recession

maybe i should join the army
since it really change a boy to a REAL man
i have to be independent
im moving out
whatever the cause is
i hope to contribute something to the people in needs and amends all my mistakes
23 years of suffering and choking myself with all the lies
will be all gone
real gone
i am going to step into working life soon
pretty much soon(may god bless me)
and it is the time to REPENT and start changing
hmmm
i enjoy working---part time
its going to be exciting to start in a new environment
i hope it dosnt bore me so much.
i love making myself busy
new life HERE I COME

nightlife

ruining yourself with ultimate blow
yes
it is easy
i found myself drawn into nightlife so easily
at least now once a week
i am not talking about money spending here
it is about night life
i am 18 no more
i am bloody double 2
i hate to say this but
2 more years 3 more years i will be an old hag trying to be 18
who knows i might not even get free entrace on ladies night
where do i belong then?
lunar?
st james?
or those chi chi atas place supperclub, or chill out bar lounge and stuff
omg im getting old
this year is like beckham real madrid jersey number
and worse thing is
i am still a fcking degree student and only graduate like next summer which is like year 2010
omg
and not married and still loafing at home not looking for my future
not earning money
i wish bedtime story does happen so things would be easier for me
love
nicole
xoxo

2009

in the year 2009
what a morning
i got shit fucks on my face when i got up
who would want to stay at home
the very first day of new year
family reunion bla bla
u feel warmth at home
i got shit
i want to move out like immediately
it is going to be hard
i dont care
i hate being at home
the tension
and everything
that is not even a house
not even a hotel
it is like a workplace
you do housework punch in and out
got your monthly pay
that's it
i hate to say this
stop nagging it is annoying
i could not stand why
i deserve it
how long more do you have to do this? until the day i repent
i changed to the better? that is not gonna happen
that is why im moving out
even if i have changed
i do not see the need to show to u people
we are family so what
it has been so long since i ever felt family
it doesn't bother me anymore
i just could not fit in to this
and i don't want
whatever you want to say
i don't give a f*** anymore
enough of lies
it is hard to believe someone who lied before
i know
and even when i tel the truth
no one believe me
i know
its too late
i hate this
good bye

saranghae

loving you
its all i want to do
da dam dee dee da dam
ah ah ah

love this song
btw back to today's topic
i hate to say this
old folks are such nuisance
unbearable and naggy
im naggy myself
but to that extent totally not
totally have to change and less nagging
i know i know
relationship is not just about two people in love
that is it
no
relationship is more like a sacrifice and differences
sacrifices that you made for your love ones
differences that compliment the two of you/us whatever
making the right choice
yes it is hard i know
it is easy to hurt someone
but it is hard to love someone
to find that special someone
you don't judge that special someone by his/her looks
it is about how you feel towards them
how your heart races and thumping so fast that you could hardly breathe
a smile that could take your breath away
a rush through your Adrenalin
to know that you hold a special place in his/ her heart
aawww...
it is making me want to repeat my story abt my first date again
hehehe
after so many episodes in my life
a chapter of my life
i learned that everybody deserves a CHANCE
if both parties are in love(still)
try to make things work
together
i know certain things might not be the same anymore
but a new beginning
a new lfe is going to begin
also
i realised now
Love is something that you need to fight for is not something that awaits you or something that JUST happen
things don't just happen that way
let nature takes it course
bullcrap
you make things happen
you are the cause that certain things happened
you make this happen
never give up
if you think that you found that special someone
think
deep in your mind and heart
is he or she worth it?
a decision
a commitment
not a joke
because you could hurt someone

PS : balance out
be selfish for once
and be considerate for once