saranghae

loving you
its all i want to do
da dam dee dee da dam
ah ah ah

love this song
btw back to today's topic
i hate to say this
old folks are such nuisance
unbearable and naggy
im naggy myself
but to that extent totally not
totally have to change and less nagging
i know i know
relationship is not just about two people in love
that is it
no
relationship is more like a sacrifice and differences
sacrifices that you made for your love ones
differences that compliment the two of you/us whatever
making the right choice
yes it is hard i know
it is easy to hurt someone
but it is hard to love someone
to find that special someone
you don't judge that special someone by his/her looks
it is about how you feel towards them
how your heart races and thumping so fast that you could hardly breathe
a smile that could take your breath away
a rush through your Adrenalin
to know that you hold a special place in his/ her heart
aawww...
it is making me want to repeat my story abt my first date again
hehehe
after so many episodes in my life
a chapter of my life
i learned that everybody deserves a CHANCE
if both parties are in love(still)
try to make things work
together
i know certain things might not be the same anymore
but a new beginning
a new lfe is going to begin
also
i realised now
Love is something that you need to fight for is not something that awaits you or something that JUST happen
things don't just happen that way
let nature takes it course
bullcrap
you make things happen
you are the cause that certain things happened
you make this happen
never give up
if you think that you found that special someone
think
deep in your mind and heart
is he or she worth it?
a decision
a commitment
not a joke
because you could hurt someone

PS : balance out
be selfish for once
and be considerate for once

mask

it is all just a face
i was too naive to think that it is over
that i was forgiven
everyone wore a facade
everyone does
why acting like when it is not
eyes
you cant lie
you cant hide
making the most of the talking
action speak louder than words
totally agree with that
but im not doing it
ya contradict myself
again
it has been two freaking months and im not making any progress
doctor should have increased my dosage
i wouldnt want ending up at an institute
i heard a possessive girlfriend could do such a thing
commit suicide
that's crazy

5andHalfwonderfulnotsowonderfulyears

love this photo alot. expect of course my wardrobe malnufuc.damn. wrong bra i knw
laundry day

i love his scent
a soft musk
a scent that reminds me of first love
our first kiss
love
when we started dating
everything was just perfect
things just fell into right places
its like an angel god had sent to protect me
its magical
like a dream
a fairytale

2003
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008

is getting worse each year

it didnt last very long
before the angel turned to devil
he could never be the same again
its like a disaster
a tsunami
washed out everything
left nothing
but pain and agony

i wish i could just stay 2003
when everything just perfect
if i could turn back time
ya how wish
im so lazy right now
to even think n type
to be continued..... next post perhaps.

ठाट person

hmm
what you see in me
a person whom you cant trust
a person whom you cant tell things to
a person whom you cannot share secrets with
a person whom you last turn to when you have no one
a person who makes your life difficult
a person whom you think is being over protective
a person who makes you feel trapped
a person who chirp like a bird
a person who nags all the time
a person who made you who you are now
a person who understands you best
a person who made sacrifices
a person whom isnt selfsih
a person that makes you feel love and hate
a person who loves you the most
yes
that person is me
hmmm
let see a new year i hope i will be writing something solid and awesome
i was thinking about a book
a true story
omg
you never know i might be the next a walk to remember or notebook
thats s sweet
but mist probably it wont happen
it never will happen

my life my story
eee.. sounds horrible
okay
i will post more these 10 days... to pour out my loneliness
love
xoxo
nicole

न्यू इयर रेसोलुशन

my 2009 new year resolution
perhaps i should check my chinese horoscope
is it going to be a good year for tiger
year 2009 ox year
okay checked online
my luck should be not so bad according to whatever the reading
ya i wish to get married next yr

ok get back to the topic
my new year's resolution

1. get a job/ intern
2. volunteer at an orphanage or old folks home whatever
3. inhale lesser $11.80
4. lose my fat thighs
5. start my OS
6. read more
7. have a portfolio
8. going back to 48
9. sleep more
10. a new tattoo
11. overcome my worse fear- loneliness
12. less violence
13. less vulgarities
14. more trips
15. less partying

hmm i think tts about all for now cant think of anything.
im just going to change
turn my life around
mayb i should see a fortune teller or something
i don't want to know my future but i just want to change my luck.

एअरपोर्ट

hmmm
i will b alone for the next ten days
my love one went overseas
i discovered
no hmmm perhaps
know too much
im not your superman
ya know
hahaha
sounds ironic damn soulja boys
my life the next 8 months gonna be tough
im going to b an illegal immigrant
no tourist sounds better
damn
how to get a freaking job
serious
im going crazy

too much problems- ya i used much instead of many
because its uncountable too much problems
bear with me with my new found grammar
i hate to say
it is realy sucky year
hmm shld i say a bad year to end with all the nonsense?
my friends are carrying burdens with them to the next year orforever
hahha what kinda new yr resolution is that?
i will have one
the next post
xoxo

today
i discovered something
disappointment
a predicament
that i never could have expected
a young lover
fesh and outgoing
turned out to be a disgust
a person whom you could trully love
could have been somebody else
LIES
NO!
lies after lies
made up a place for me in hell
i could not wish for more
burning myself in hell
waiting for the day to come

a person whom you despised most
a person whom you loved the most
that person turned out to be you
how childish a person could be
a man could never make decisions
indecisive man disgust me
i need a man who makes the call
a man who brings breakfast every morning
a man who understands me
a man who accepts me for what and who i am
a man who sacrifices for the one he loves

थे डे before

making the right choice
always having trouble doing that
still, now, at present
i'm not making any
in everything that matters
he's always ahead me
he's always the number one
i put myself the last
hmm... learn to love yourself
yes that sentence
sounds familiar?
i heard it many x in that conversation
im so messed up
i fucked up
making ammendments would be the last
i wanna do

लैस

i have not been truthful
i have always been lying
i live my life
a big fat lie
i cant help it
i have no choice
what choice is mine?
i made the wrong ones
every time
i have no integrity
i am the reason
all the doubts
and accuses
i lost their trusts
my family's trust
i made them disappointed
my whole life
if i could go back now
i want my parents back

This show
terrible review
keanu reeves is hot
by just looking at him
hmmm
im looking forward for nicolas cage's knowing
baby told me the trailer sounds good

by the way
i have been around asking people
if these two disaster ever happened - no going to happen in singapore right here. which one would you choose
the day after tomorrow
or
dawn of the dead
surprisingly
most of them choose the day after tomorrow

finally is done
weeks of sufferings and late nights
done
he finished his final project
yay
ppt to do
easy job
15 slides
easy

comes the day
the worse day of the week
kinda hate it
i love thursday
i have no idea y
i feel thursday sounds so me
one day in a week that im looking forward to is
actually
saturday
that's the dating day
dinner
window shopping
movie
love it
it sounds boring and typical date
but that's the day i always look forward to

sunday
rain is still pouring
my heart is pounding
so fast
i was in a race
he blew me off
he blew my mind away
i wasnt thinking
i was searching
for something new
a new born
a new life
a life with no other civilisation
enough alienating self from the world
from the rest of the people
from family
from friends
from him
making this decision was easy
not so easy
i kept hiding myself
my true self
in a box
i m opening up
i have to
to change
i have to open myself
to other people
help me
because im trying to forget
my past
my terrible past

एक्स्तेंदेद post

the birthday was a blast
daddy's army defferment was a success.
until further notice
i was kinda happy but also
kinda sad
i love him
even more

he didnt change
at all
i made a mistake
a terrible one
i start to have doubts
doubts if we could ever make this work?

anyhow

i love the birthday party

he didnt change
he promised
he didnt
i couldnt care less

photos will b uploaded soon
more scandalous pics

tomorrow
i will be missing
the most important person
in my life
i wish i could freeze the time
quiet moment for us
a day without him
i could fall ill
2 weeks, 14 days, 336 hours, 20,160 minutes
i will be thinking of him
being a resident
was a sacrifice
a 9 months long sacrifice
before he enters the baton, handcuffs, gun, uniform life
it could be worse
all i could do is wait
waiting for the day he is released from the government
(i know i sounded like as though he's going to jail)
giggle*
i just want you to know
no matter what happen
what changes our minds
whatever will happen in the future
i hope we could be in this together
now and ever
im making my life decision here
hopefully i made a right one
i have chosen you
as the one
i love you

still dont गेट?

still don't get it do you
i said it
i want to change
stop chatting with the KIDS
i dont care who she or he or whoever
i don't like
especially someone you are close to
im selfish
you are mine
whatever
i tried to put up for the last few days
it is just hard
i hate to see all shits
you get jealous and angry when i chat with other guys
then i can't get angry?
wth?
i just don't like
im never like you
many friends
popular
and always nice to them
come on D,
they are no better
don't brag in front of me
saying taht when you ask your friends they wouldn't cancel on you whatever
and im the only one who gets canceled
are you indirectly telling me
that "what kind of person i am"
no what a lousy person i am
yeah great
thank you
thanks alot
i got it
i never want to bother A
things have changed
thank you

birthday

a force
within me
a forces of nature
a force that made me do stupid things

i did too many
love never lead my way
never did
it led me to a highway
instead
a quiet and secluded highway
i was petrified
i felt the chill run down my spine
i was so alone

i wish he could be here
hugging me
its not going to happen
he will be away
for a long long time
i don't know how will i survive
im trying to
i will have to try
i will
trust me alright

i hope our relationship will strengthen even more
i love you
no matter what

happy birthday baby
happy 22nd birthday
i love you

रेनिंग सीसोंस कोमेस

monday blues
again
my weekly routine mundane Monday
mit up wit darling fifi
got the charger and watch
i love it
got to rework my school projects and came up wit a fantastic - hmmm probably acceptable portfolio. hopefully kent's comapny is gonna hire me.
im praying for miracles
hmm not so much of miracles
but im working on it

the sky is dark
darker than usual
i sense winter is now
yes
winter in another country

my mood isn't getting any better
in fact after seeing alot Kiangs today
made me feel even worse

i m trying to lose 3 more pounds.
im desperate

i did not party last nite
we went to zouk wine bar at 12
we drank abit
i m never a good drinker
i don't drowned myself in continuous clubbing
what do you expect from me?
after getting dumped and just do nothing about it?
you drink when we broke up
so i can't?
i don't like to drink
no its a lie
when you drink
it takes away the pain for just abit
i need that distraction
i stay at home and cry and thinking ways how to end my life?
that's not helping
i m a human
human being with feelings
you don't talk to me
i can never keep guessing what are you thinking
talk to me
you couldn't promise me to stop smoking or drinking
but you promise me that night
we have witness
a voice recording
u promise me that we would communicate and start paying attention
you don't tell me that you have forgotten what you have promised
it's not fair for me
i am a woman
not a robot
i already told you that i stopped inhaling that $11.20 product
don't you get?
i can take care of myself when you're in there
but work with me
i don't care
there is no girls you wouldn't do anything funny
(come to think again)
do you think it's gonna be easy for me
when you are away
i have to pull myself together
alone
you couldn't be there for me anymore when i needed you most
please
work things out together
is that a promise?
promise?
a declaration that something will or will not be done
an express assurance on which expectation is to be based
something that has the effect of an express assurance; indication of what may be expected
to engage to join in marriage.
to assure (used in emphatic declarations)
to afford ground for expectation
you got it?
it is a challenge a big one for both of us
if WE want to make this work
we are not talking about a short period of time
bloody 2 years
don't ask me to change if you can't help me
relationship consist 2 persons
a team
if i have to work alone all the time
what's the point?
when you could only say
"its your fault" you have to change"
whats all that?
please just work with me
i'll tell you what i want
i want communications
mo more lies
and attention
can you give me those?

colours show how you feel
you are wearing black
because you are in bad mood
you are in love
you wear colourful fancy clothes

i m in love
still
but i was hurt
hurt by a promise

i was browsing and reading all the posts i have written.
i just realized that i wrote a lot about him
mainly him
is all him
and all about him
this blog or the previous blog.
is all about him. not about me.
is it love?
and i also highlighted some posts
i actually write the same thing.
kinda deja vu
like exact same thing.

look for this word : attention

i m sure like 8 out of 10 posts consist the word attention or a sentence " i want attention"

nvm
i sounded like as if im fine go back to normal kinda thing
but no
im still weeping and still not over him
i spent my whole day crying basically
i have changed my trash bag twce today
ya all filled wit tissue and mucus.

www.nicole-nicole-nicole.blogspot.com

i wish i could end this
i wish i could run away
i wish i could pretend
like nothing ever happened
i couldn't

God please
made me stop tearing

i thought love is sweet
love is wonderful
love means everything

i thought so
i still thought so

i don't know what to do
waiting for something
waiting for someone
waiting for answers
waiting for love

having to wait
for something uncertain
loving you wasn't a mistake
i made mistakes
hurting you
was a mistake
i m so sorry
that i couldn't help
but to give you problems
i m sorry to have made you worried
i m sorry to have to listen to my complaints
all the time
i m sorry that i made our love
bitter and always fighting
i m sorry if i have always
ask too much
controlling
and
possessive
i m sorry for not being able
to be the person you want me to be
i m so sorry
for everything

i lie on my bed lifeless
couldn't open my eyes
my heart's aching
my mind's confused

looking back all the photos
its like seeing you again
my heart ache every time
i flip through a page
can't believe its over
just can't stop tearing
morning
afternoon
evening
sun set
night
wee hrs
sun rise

there is no happiness
some one has taken my soul
i life with emptiness
i beg my soul to come back
soul refused
i was too broken
inside
she couldn't stay in me

लैटर

dear baby,
i couldn't sleep last night
because i know that is over between us
and if in some distant place in the future
we see each other
in our new lives
i'll smile at you with joy
and remember how we spent a wonderful 5 years together
learning from each other
and growing in love
The best love is the kind that awakens the soul
and makes us reach for more
and plants fire in our hearts
and brings peace into our minds
and that's what you given me
that's what i'd hope to give to you forever
I Love You
I'll be missing you
nicole

would you just stay with me?
what for?
look at us
we are already fighting
well, that's what we do
we fight
i tell you when you're being
an arrogant son of a bitch
and you tell me when
i'm being a pain in the ass
which i m
99% of the time
you are not afraid to hurt my feelings
they have like a two second rebound rate
and im back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing
so what?
so it's not gonna be easy
its gonna be really hard
and we're gonna have to work at this everyday
but i want to do that
because i want you
i want all of you
forever, you and me, everyday
will you do something for me?
please?
will you just picture your life for me?
30 years from now,
40 years from now, what's it look like?
if its not gonna be with me
go just go
i lost you twice,
i think i could do it again
if i thought it's what you really wanted
but don't you take the easy way out
what do you want?
goddamn it just tell me what do you want?

सॉरी

i m sorry i left
i m sorry i left without a word
i m sorry that you have to worry
i m sorry for everything
i m sorry that i wasn't there
i m sorry

i missed D alot
couldn't stop thinking
i feel the world is collapsing
i m falling
deep
again
a dream
deja vu
i m falling
i want to see you
i just want to rush there
hug you
and never let go
i miss you

लोस्ट

i lost something
i lost someone
i can never get it back
i can never see again

it was not anyone's fault
it was fated
it was destined
it was love
it was a promise
there were two people
now its gone
forever

i can never be the strongest person i want to be
i tried
its hard
god damn hard
a shattered glass
a shattered heart
the pain that can never subside
a mark that stained my life
it was you
a mark that i made last year
a mark that i want to remember for the rest of my life
your name
mine
love
i m sorry D

स्टील ओं माय ब्रेन

The beautiful days are long gone
I can’t seem to breathe
It feels like it hasn’t been that long
Since you walked away from me
Now I can try to act real strong
But you and I both know I still think of you that way
You should know that

The beautiful lights the star filled nights
They don’t mean a thing
Cause you were my star and so it don’t seem right
Without you here with me
Now I can try to act real strong
But you and I both know its hard for me to say
You were my sou

Now I could say that I don’t love you no more
And I could say that I’ve closed the door for our love
And I can tell you I feel It’s time for us to go our separate ways
But I just wouldn’t be the same

Now when your in love it takes time to heal
When someone’s broken your heart it changes how you feel
I thought that you’d never do me that way

Now love is a game that we both like to play
But will I win or lose if I go or if I stay
Even though I try to hide my broken heart inside
You know me inside out and I can’t get you off my mind

having sore throat is the last thing you will want to diagnose
how unlucky i am to have to eat soupy food for days. \
almost a week now
i m still sick

last night party was horrible
spent most of the time crying
or dragged outside for interrogation
kill my night
last night i realized
i found out some thing
being best friends, best buddies
habit, attitude could be pretty much identical
just like twins.
A was worse
A totally pissed me off
don't regret after you give away your love
it's not fair
i feel for R
i love R
i just hope things wasn't so melodramatic last night
is like deja vu
its happening again
damn it

commitments

why isit so god damn hard to make commitments
a ring a promise
it never happened.
he promise to chase after me when i walked away
he didnt
all he cared about was the sister
i can never be priorities
i can never be his number one
he asked his friends to look after me then he looked after N himself
y cant he swap?
ask his friends to look after N instead?
D, u know wad?
i have never been foolish enough
to make a 2 mrt RED line on my wrist
it was the pain
can never take away the pain
u choose your sis over me
fine
i love her
but her brother love
annoys me
Why didn't D just lecture N instead of me
its not my fault if guys came near
I m done here
totally done here

im tired
done with all the empty promises
done
hope u get a better girl
let me know if u found that special someone
i will b happy for u
i still love u
no one can ever take over the special place in my heart
im letting you go
that would b for best.
for both of us
im trying to move on
pls just let me
i dont want to kept thinking its always my fault
end all sufferings

single

he left
i received a hefty gift
he left
he is never coming back

the day you slipped away
was the day i found it won't be the same

im left with inanity
i turned blind overnight
left with no substance

i wish i could turn back time
a time machine
nevermore will i kiss him
never will i say "like"
never have known him

never

a slap on face
stings
marks still there
neither can it disappear
nor forgotten

a love too much
a kiss don't last
a conversation
never last

रियल और रील

is this real or reel?
my life has become a sin
a sin that can neither be forgiven or washed away

i feel like im falling
deep into a manhole.
i m lost
searching for the light in my life
i m cold
in the manhole
i hear the streets
people talking
i m trapped
God please send me guidance

न्यू बेगिन्निंग

its a new beginning
noticed some posts are missing?
i deleted them
it was too personal i feel.
people might get hurt. i didn't care at first
now come to a term that i have to CHANGE
ya a big change for me-not spiderman change
a real BIG change. for my own benefit.
i got to stop my vulgarities, inhaling that $11.20, being rough, violent whatsoever.
i will do it. for the best. for my future.
and i want to be good at one thing.
my work.
i've never been superb, good in A particular thing. be it sports, hobby, etc. i wanna b good at something. so when others ask, "so what you're good at?" i could answer them proudly.
sigh
i really hope i could do something GOOD within 6 months in 2009.
wish me luck.
love
xoxo
nicole

today

i missed u.
missed you so bad.
i don't forget you.
i hope you can hear me
i remember it clearly

i didn't get around to kiss you
goodbye on the hand
i wish that i could see you again
i know that i cant

i had my wake up
won't you wake up
i kept asking why
and i can't take it
it wasn't fake
it happened, you passed by

i missed you,D